Monday, August 27, 2007

The White Castle Preacher

While walking down the street here in Chicago next to a White Castle fast food establishment, I noticed three lampposts that had a strange message plastered all over them. It looked like this message was hand written on two unique posters. A photo, probably of some actress, captioned "Beautiful Mary" was added to both posters. There was a different picture on each poster.
I figured that if someone took the trouble to write this rather preachy "sermon" to preserve the honor of his dream girl, I should publish it and share it with the world. I took a picture of the two posters from one of the lampposts and tried to make out what they said. Exact copies of these posters were on the other lampposts. Here is the sermon as written in the rough poetry of the streets. I tried to keep the spelling and grammar intact to preserve the flavor of this work.

First Poster
BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS MARY DONT YOU DEAR SELL DOPE OR BURN IN HOT LAVA FOREVER HELL HEAVEN IS A MILLION TIMES MORE THRILLING THAN SIN IS. ITS THE GOD TRUTH. GOD THE FATHER TOLD SAINT WILLIAMS ORG - THAT HEAVEN IS A TREMENDOUS THRILL OF ECSTCAY FOREVER. DONT BE A BIG BIG FOOL AND GIVE UP HEAVEN. STOP SHACKING UP OR BURN IN HELL. STAY SOBER FOREVER OR BURN IN HELL HOT LAVA FOREVER. ASK CHRIST TO COME INTO YOUR LIFE. THROW AWAY FILTHY MOVIES FILTHY BOOKS.
Second Poster
PRAY THE ROSARY IT HAS GREAT POWER TO KEEP THE DEVIL AWAY OR PRAY IN MIND A FEW MINUTES. DONT YOU DEAR SHACK UP OR YOU WILL MAKE GOD THE FATHER AND CHRIST AND MARY CRY BLOOD. STAY MARRIED CHRIST SAID ONE MARRIAGE. IF YOU ARE DIVORCED DONT YOU DEAR MARRY AGAIN OUT SIDE OF THE CHURCH OR YOU WILL BE LIVING IN FILTHY ADULTERY MORTAL SINS YOU MEN DONT YOU DEAR TALK A WOMAN INTO SHACKING UP WITH YOU. COWARD RAT IS WHAT YOU ARE. YOU STOP WITH CRIME OR HOT LAVA FOREVER HELL.
written by The White Castle Preacher (This is what I call him.)

Many bloggers are used to reading well written and neatly formatted stories. Yet, many of the people in the world around us still have a great deal of trouble communicating with their fellow human beings. This individual is pretty much like a primitive blogger without a blog or a computer, just a couple of lampposts on the streets of Chicago. He, probably, will never know that his prophetic words have passed into the collection of data perpetually circulating throughout the vast reaches of cyberspace.